Moves like Jagger
by AzzyDarling
Summary: James get the dubious task of getting a very drunk, very frisky Shepard back to the Normandy.


**Written for this kink meme;** At the Purgatory some sleazy guy's all over Shepard (Shepard's either a lightweight or someone's spiked his drink). Shepard's too drunk to care but luckily Jame's notices them and puts the sleaze in his place and then practically carries Shepard back to his cabin. Extra love if Jame's has a crush on Shepard and Shepard is all frisky (biting, licking, kissing James) and even though James wants him really bad he's a gentleman and just helps Shepard into bed.

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><p>At first James was sorta amused, he elbowed Joker and pointed at Shepard at the dance floor. "Dude, check him out." He grinned.<p>

"Yeah." Joker just said, adjusting his cap a little. Turning his back to the scene again, ordering a drink for each of them.

James couldn't quite take his eyes of it completely, by all means, the commander was allowed to party anyway he wanted. But still, he remembered some of the stories that the others had told him, especially the one that Garrus had whispered. That Shepard once almost took down an entire bar at Omega on his own, just because the bartender had refused to serve him more alcohol. And James knew all too well there weren't far from happy to furious in that state of mind.

"Funny really." Joker said, holding up his drink to James' for a toast. "He can't dance for shit when sober. And look at that." He gestured at Shepard on the dance floor attracting quite the crowd.

"Maybe the Commander just.." He didn't finish that sentence, because suddenly Shepard came staggering towards them with a dumb, drunk smile on his face. "Commander." He just said smiling.

Shepard didn't even notice him, he just went straight for the bar, almost pushed Joker over in the process of making room for his elbows at the desk. "Drink!" Shepard slurred. "Now." He licked his lips, "Pl-please." He choked on the word as he had a hiccup.

The bartender rose a brow and stared at Shepard and then at Joker and James. "Friend of yours?" He asked.

"Yeah.." Joker spat bitterly, rubbing his arm where Shepard had pushed him.

"Shh.. Look at ME." Shepard slurred, "I need a drink, not them."

"I'm not sure.." The Bartender said, leaning in over the bar, studying Shepard, "You're high as a kite, man." The Bartender shook his head.

"Aw.. come on." Shepard pouted. Which James found slightly unsettling, and Joker found down right hilarious. Shepard waved the Bartender in with a finger, grabbed him by the neck, which jolted both his crewmen into alert. But instead of slamming the Bartender's face down into the bar like they expected him to do, he stretched to his toes to reach, and then kissed the baffled, trapped Bartender. James looked away feeling slightly bothered and uncomfortable, not like he was a prude or anything, it was just.. this was goddamn Commander Shepard tongue wresting some strange man over a bar desk. A little voice at the back of his head whispered unwanted, reminding him what he would give to be that bartender, just for a moment.

Shepard let go of the Bartender, and bit lightly down on his lower lip, pulling it out slightly as he eased back on his feet. He let go of the bartenders lip and grinned, "Now can I have a bloody drink?" He leaned heavily on the bar to steady himself, "Pretty please?"

The Bartender was flushed and idly rubbed his swollen lower lip. "Sure."

Shepard took his drink and winked at the Bartender, Turning to Joker and James, his blurry drunken gaze settled on them. "Wonder what you have to do for a round of drinks around here." He laughed at his own unfunny joke, and held out his glass to toast with the crewmen. "Excuse me ladies." He grinned, downing his drink in one go before he left for the dance floor again.

For a long while they just ignored Shepard and his various dance partners. Joker had long since stopped drinking drinks, and were now nestling a non alcoholic drink. "I think it's bedtime for me." He said with a yawn, "You get the dubious honor of getting Shepard back to the Normandy."

"What? Are you just leaving me here with... THAT?" He pointed angrily at Shepard dancing with two Asari.

"Believe it." Joker said, placing his bottle on the bar desk. "Good luck, Marine." He grinned.

"I swear, if you weren't ..well - you, I'd kick your ass." James muttered angrily under his breath. But accepted the state of things, watching Joker leave, and then turned his attention back to Shepard.

James weren't really sure how he could see Shepard with a drink in his hand all the time, and he hadn't been back to the bar at all. And that was when he noticed a group of younger Alliance Marines who would buy rounds to themselves and for Shepard too. And to James' frustration they seemed to be drunk enough by now to play along with Shepard's games. One of them were a tall blond man, nothing noticeable, other than he was really tall, danced up behind John, and to James' horror, Shepard leaned into the touch grinding up against the body behind him. James groaned and looked away. He had to get the commander back to the Normandy, and that was like two hours ago. He wasn't sure if Shepard was a cock tease or if he would actually take on the whole group, you just never knew. And James sure as shit knew nothing about his Commanders sexual preferences, nor had he met him intoxicated before. He gathered his courage and walked out on the dance floor. "Commander, we're going home." He said trying to out drown the music.

Shepard looked slightly sedated up at him "Jimmy." He slurred. "I'm busy." He wrapped an arm backwards around the person behind him.

"Please Commander." James said, holding out his hand to Shepard, "Trust me on this one."

But Shepard had already lost interest in him, and pulled another female Alliance marine down for a wet, open mouthed kiss.

James counted to ten, and then forcefully pulled the woman off Shepard, and then pushed the man behind him off. "The Commander says goodnight ladies." Vega barked, pulling a stumbling Shepard after him.

"What the.." Shepard argued petulantly.

"Don't argue with me." James bit him off with a bark. "And that's an order."

That sprouted an insane giggle fit from Shepard, so much so he had to lean against the wall. His laughter died down, and he straightened up pulling James close, flipping him around so he pinned Vega against the wall. "So.." Shepard almost purred, rubbing himself against James in a long languid move. "What was the order?" Shepard dipped down and licked a wet trail up Vega's neck along the tattoo, all the way up till the earlobe. When Shepard curled his tongue around that breathing hotly in his ear, James could do nothing but let out a undignified whimper. "Stop that." He willed himself to say, and hoped he sounded convincing.

Shepard looked up at him with the promise of pure pleasure written on his face. James collected himself as much as he could, and gently pushed Shepard off him. "Normandy. You. Bed." He managed to say and prayed that Shepard wouldn't notice that his voice shook a little.

"Only if you come with me." Shepard said pulling James' shirt.

James didn't answer, he just kept repeating a virginal mantra in his head. And hoped they were at the Normandy soon, because he couldn't keep this shit up. There were limits to what his blood pressure could take before he just had a brain hemorrhage and keeled over. "Just don't talk, okay?" He said dangerously close to begging.

Shepard made a silly 'zipper' move over his mouth and giggled.

James' brain tried to process Shepard giggling and failed. At least they were at the goddamn elevator now. This would be over soon, and he would SO have Jokers ass for this tomorrow, that little fucker owed him big time! Even if he had to admit to himself that it was really nice with Shepard leaning into him like this, he could smell Shepard underneath all the booze and sweat. A unique tone of something he couldn't quite put his finger on, but it made his skin sizzle, the good way... the very nice way. Shepard's hand sneaked up under his shirt, and raked short nails over his skin. "Ow fuck.. don't.." Vega said, ignoring the blissful goosebumps in the wake of the welts. True to the game, Shepard was silent, he just rose a brow amused. James sighed deeply and looked upwards hoping he could spot the damn elevator soon.

It seemed like an eternity before the elevator was there, and Shepard had been completely well behaved for the last five minutes, so James thought he might be asleep already. But as the elevator doors dinged open, Shepard stumbled inside very ungracefully.

Once the door closed, Shepard who leaned up against the other side of the elevator, smiled deviously. Blowing the game he looked up at James with a smoldering look that sent jolts directly to James' groin, no pit stop or nothing. Pure lust. "I know you wanna fuck me Jimmy." Shepard said his grin growing a little as James blushed fiercely.

"No." James said, the lie almost scorching his lips.

Apparently the lie was so blatant that even drunk Shepard caught wind and laughed softly. He licked his lips, studying James, "And I like being fucked." He said his voice low and silky. "So let's get sticky together, Marine."

James swallowed, Jesus fucking Christ, he needed to be at the Normandy now. He could have kissed the deck as the elevator doors finally opened, James felt like he could finally breathe again, the elevator had been stifling hot. He grabbed Shepard and guided him less than gentle to the airlock to the Normandy. He wondered if he could tell Shepard that if he had made that offer in a state where he could spell his own name, he would have been all in, but this felt wrong. It WAS wrong. Once he had gotten Shepard off to bed, he would need a bloody drink to calm his nerves enough to go to bed. There would be no limit to how much masturbation it would take to live this down. Just to have the Commander stand there and 'say' things like that.. James Vega felt like a goddamn knight in a goddamn white fucking armor. And he hated it.


End file.
